Good bye livejournal... say hello to blogspot.

kennyrasontan.blogspot.com

1. Chia Yanda (my ever-teachable ex-leader and brother)
2. David Koh (my evergreen best fren... though time is not on our side)
3. Students at my attachment (i'm drawn to pai kia kids... i dont know why)
4. Gabriel Tan & Chris Loo (The Lord will lead u back to Him)
5. Gabriel Loi (ex-member of 1st cell group)

cant think of more right now..... oh well. Lord, I lift all of them in your hands.

If you're any of these pple, when u see this blog just ask me out, love to catch up with you.

Looking back 3 months have just gone by with the wind... this holidays had been a pretty fruitful one though i'm nowhere near getting a 6 pack or getting jonathan Lim's stamina for the half marathon...
2 months was spent on attachment, another one month... slacking, swimming etc.

Next week i'm going to be working! Where? the california fitness promoter job that celeste is doing now. Well, its a little sian needing to be luring or dragging people in for short survey that's honestly, pretty interesting cos they do a fitness analysis for you for free. Oh well, its all for the cash. Cold hard cash.... yeah yeah somebody shout 'Show me the $money$!'
Btw, anyone who's above 21... pls help me pose as a customer and help me get some commission pls!

So plans for the next half of the year... lets see what i intend to do...

1. Run the half and full marathon... hopefully (though that dream is slowly fading before my eyes)
2. Work periodically to save up some cash for the manila trip
3. Study hard and consistently -__-"
4. Go for Manila Crusade
5. Handle, hopefully, new commitments in Speedlight.
6. Most probably might be camp commandant again for this year pre-speedlight camp (thinking of appointing someone else to do it though... i had enough of the fun!)
7. Celeste birthday coming up! Try to spend more time praying with her.
8. Get my 6 pack!!! rite........ ha ha
9. Do a few book studies (bible i mean)
10.Intimacy with my Almighty.

So here's it! My 10 do or die stuff...not. These are things i WANT to do... doesnt mean i can do them. I somehow get a feeling i might not be able to go for the Manila Crusade though i really hope to.

Been missing from blogging for so long, i guess its time to do a little updating...

Rite now i'm attached to someone i do love lots. Enough said. Ha ha..

Doing my placement now at Bedok Bethesda Care and Counseling Centre as a student social worker. I know God led me there. I know it. Its unbelievable. The people that i meet - my colleagues, my clients, the youths I work with, and most of all my supervisor who is also like my spiritual mentor. When I say mentor I mean it. I see Christ in him. I see the way he guides me and takes note of every word I choose and decision I make, never failing to praise or to correct whenever necessary. Just like John says, he has a gift in building people up. I thank God He put my supervisor in my path.

For these past 7 weeks, I've been running camp, cycling trips for at-risk-youths. Those identified by the school as potential delinquents. Also handling a few cases of behaviour problems of teens such as BPC and theft. Two of my cases are from single-parent families. Supervior just shot me an arrow with a financial case. Taking on all these cases, there were times that I felt inadequate, but my supervisor is always there to process it though with me. I learnt to befriend and try to affect change in pai kia youths as well. There are so many things that I've learnt but most of all, there's so much that i've changed.
That's social work course. In engineering, you can learn all the info but you are still the same person. In business, you might change to be sharper in your mind. But in social work, you change from within. Stereotypes you have about people change, dealing with your own fears and insecurities, going through heartaches and heartbreaks because of relationships you form with clients. Not to mention communication patterns and speed, emotional temperament and thought processes, all these are all changing though the course of social work education and all through life. Its amazing how much I find that I've changed. God is good.

You dont learn how to do social work, you become a social worker.

Oh well, 2 more weeks here and time to move on back to school (hai...) I'm terminating on July 8th. I dont know how i'm going to terminate with my clients, i'm quite close to a few of them, vice versa. Termination is always hard.

God, thank You for planning this placement for me.

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050412122146-705636

Take my quizzzzzz....

Just pulled out my earstud! ha ha.... kept itching non-stop from yesterday till today. Highly irritated. But it was a cool 5 days of piercing ears cos i learnt so much. Some real sad, some others we need to wake up our ideas. Invite u on a journey... ha ha.... so short one... (as you do so think abt how these reactions relate to ur frens/members who pierce their ears/navel/bla bla.)

Here's how's the people reactions to me were when i pierced my ear:

- Most were just making a small joke out of it or making neutral comments.
- My leaders said i act young.
- My members said i ah beng!
- One or two were really concerned and asked 'Are you ok?'
- One peer asked me how long i intended to keep it, was just curious to know.
- One leader came right up to me and reprimanded me for abt 5 mins, until she discovered the lack of remorse on my face.
- One leader insulted me in a considerable loud volume with this word 'Conformist!' and left.
- One leader sms me that he/she was stumbled.
- One division leader joked that he was very stumbled.
- ha ha... just discovered got 2 friends bet when it'll be gone: one say 1 mth, other say 2 mths.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. Dont shoot the wounded! - The leaders in my training would know that adolescent kiddos at this age are battling with identity confusion and personality formation. Much of these encampass experimentation and individuation. Apparently, exhibiting these non-conformist behaviors is sometimes tied with our spirtual/emotional state. That means i could be backsliding or maybe facing some crisis in my life, that's why some ask if i'm ok. Well, assuming i am. Think about how the above reactions to me would make me feel - leave church or feel helped dealing with my developmental issues? What are the signs of the wounded in our family and are we shooting them down as fast as we can or are we bandaging their wounds?

2. How's your walk with God? - Does that sound like what your leader will say to you? Yeah sounds like it. Have you ever asked your leader that question back? It is a culture in church that we respect our authorities, but showing concern and checking on them isnt challenging their authority! Our leaders feed us and pray over us and we are accountable to them. But we often forget that they are accountable to us as well. We owe it to them, for all the love that they've showed, to show back the same concern. Qns to ponder: To your leader or ex-leader, when have you asked him/her how's their walk with God? How often have you corrected his wrongs in love? When was the last time u check with him/her about his/her personal purity? Well, at least one leader approached me in love and was upfront abt tell me he/she disapproves of guys doing ear-piercing... i appreciate that. I bet there are others who disapproves too but dont dare to. I'm sure even if we see brother sam really stretched and go up to him and ask him 'Brother sam, you look really stretched these few days, how's ur walk with God? can i pray with you?'. I bet he'll feel more glad than challenged.

3. Being stumbled - My favorite preacher, powerful man of God, Roberts Liardon, was sometime back exposed of a certain sexual immorality and removed from them pulpit. My heart sank. Yet, I prayed over him. I still read his books and still am excited about his ministry once he gets restored. Somehow i'm not stumbled by his sin. I ask myself when and why do people get stumbled? Bible says in 1Cor8:9 'But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.' This weak means weak in conscience. If i'm a young christian and my conscience is weak, i would be stumbled by Robert's sin and think in this way 'He lives against his own teaching! How dumb am I to believe in what he say? I wanted to do all these sexual immoral acts myself but i stopped myself cos he told us so!' The young christian has never really believed and embedded the Word and the godly message into his heart. He has never owned it, never fully subscribed to it. If he has, it doesnt matter if the preacher falls, the Word is the Word, its is still truth. In fact alot of us has opinions within us that are not owned by us, we think we believe it, but with a few questioning, we'll discover that we dont really know the rationale behind it - it goes even for simple truths like 'God wants us to set aside a short period of time with him everyday'. That's what we are told... but is't true? is that what God wants? What does God really want?

Only when we own the teachings that are taught from the pulpit are they truly learnt.

4. From my and the adolescent point of view - Basically I didnt feel a need to pierce my ear. Just wanted to feel how its like. For me and for any other adolescent. I could close it anytime i want. Bottomline: its no big deal. But i was feeling that its becoming a bigger deal... when? when people disapproved of it! Once someone comes and tell me off abt it, i feel this urge to defend myself and keep it even more - suddenly it becomes a conviction! ha ha... That's the deal with adolescents. Dont suppress, the more you do, the more strong the resistance! Here's where the taiji comes it... Giving it up, to the adolescent, becomes a loss of his face or rather his stand. Why? It shows that he has no opinion about it, that he's without proper thinking. So what?! Let him experiment all he wants? well, whats wrong with that? Adolescence is about experimentation - some of which we object because we feel uncomfortable about it so we stop them from doing it by finding a religious backing, but there's actually it doesnt affect him. Of cos there are things we should not experiment - like pre-marital sex and drugs. These things we better scold him until he obeys! NOOooo.... ha ha... best way is to tell him the rationale behind ur advice, let him see different perspectives and most of all address the need/lack and his underlying feelings. Worst way is to come up with one thousand and one verses from the bible that says how the perpetrator will get punished. It doesnt work when the policeman is outside, the policeman must be inside him.

Alright need to go for dinner... these are just some of my thoughts (sounds like a message though!) you may choose to disagree... let me know ur point of view in the comments session. Btw, for those whom i did mention anonymously, i dont mean any offense! none at all..

Life. Weeee....

There's a part of my life that's pretty fun now. There's a part where i'm perhaps not ready to open up yet. There's another part of my life where I'm struggling now, and yet another where i feel like giving in sometimes. Needless to say, there's a portion of me that yearns for more, and another that says you'll never reach it. Ooooo.... There's one part that says life is too short, so try everything! There's another that says Indeed its too short to waste it away on futile things.

I'm rambling on. Well but each line represents some real issues and development in my life at this point of time. If you know me, try figuring out or guessing what is what...

Yet one thing you probably figured out accurately is this : I'm still finding myself. Parts of it has been found. They say that adolescence is a stage in life where you try to find your identity and who you really ar... Do we ever find it? I can never say i truly found me. Some may say i'm still like a young child curious about self, but i propose this idea that there isnt an end point to that aim. Finding who we are and what we stand for is a neverending process...

An exciting one in fact!

The end of a paragraph beams the reader with anticipation for the next. Some decide believe in the former that you find who u are in youth and settle for that. You're fixed. If you're a quiet person you'll be quiet. That's funny cos when people want you to be noisy you tell them you went for this personality test that says you're naturally quiet and that's that! Stuck in the rut.

Why cant we choose to be quiet for this short period of our life and then be extrovert for the next. Why cant we love rock music for this period and be open to experiment hymnology for the next? Be a nerd for a day, and a beng tmr, and a jock the day after!

Let the only constant be change... Is't really called 'constant' still if its constantly evolving? Cos people need constant things to keep their bearing oriented properly.

Again you experience me rambling off. And again i say... I'm finding who i am. How old am I? 23 this yr. Nope not ashamed to be still finding myself cos there's more to be found if i dig hard enough and if i dont assume that there isnt any gold under the areas that i had once shovelled into.

Not ashamed to say I'm still finding who I am and what i stand for still cos 'I'm human'. I'm not fixed. I'm everchanging. Dynamic. Adapting. I'm not the block head which will say 'I'm a left brain person, so i'm more bla bla bla... i'm just like that.' or ' I'm just the slacker... I'll forever be like that.'

What i just said... easier said than done. To experience life to the max. (Corde gimme a five)

Courage.

Here are my modules!!!

Urban youth work
This one i think will be the most fun cos we will be running programmes for agencies. For my project group we are working with delinquent youths... liaising with police dept. Yeh! The readings itself is as thick as the length of a guy's middle finger (no vulgar pun intended). Its gonna be excited. Cant wait to get my hands on the readings.

This module focuses on the major challenges and issues confronting today's youth. The module examines personal, familial, and societal factors that affect normal growth and development during adolescence. Intervention models and techniques that target specific issues, such as 'youth at risk', social relationships, sexuality, academic performance, and drug and alcohol use are examined and evaluated for their effectiveness. A developmental approach is emphasised.

Counseling theories
This one need to get the text. I read thru the text chapt one... woah... its actually reminding what i had already learnt but its refreshing. Finally, after 3 semesters of social work i get to learn about intervention in counseling! At least its scraping the surface of counseling techniques and approaches la. Better than nothing sia.

This module presents the basic assumptions, strategies, and techniques of selected counselling approaches. Students are trained in counseling methods used by psychosocial, cognitive-behavioural, humanistic, and problem and solution-focussed approaches to the treatment of problems in living. In addition, discussion on the application of counseling in specialized areas such as educational and vocational counseling, rehabilitation counselling, pre-marital and marital counselling, and counselling of specific groups will be included.

Introduction to world religions
I'm thinking of minoring in Religious Studies cos i figured that religion makes up such a big part of people's culture and influences their worldview tremendously. Esp for Islam. I want to find out more about that... This mod is real cool cos it intros me to 9 religions... taoism, islam, judaism, Buddhism, Hindusim, Christianity etc...

This course offers an introductory survey of major religious traditions of the world, with specific focus on Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Daoism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. We will examine the origin and historical development of each tradition, along with its sacred texts, basic philosophical and metaphysical ideas, values and social ideals, patterns of ritual and worship, and specialized institutions. Our goal is to provide an objective understanding of each tradition on its own terms, and secondarily, an introduction to the academic study of religion.

Malay Families and Households
This module reminded me that i dont really have malay frens. Well one or two from the boys hostel... erm... thats all. oh man... not that i'm racist or what. Cos Anglican High is a mission skool so all chinese. The TJC is such a china skool where all the guys in my class are chinese. Dont know why Social work doesnt have much malay guys. Hmmm.... Still, i'm really interested in how malay families operate. Some pple criticise them for producing slacker children, some say there's so much love and harmony in the family. Hope that going thru this course will help me out lots when working with them in time to come.

This module aims to provide an understanding of contemporary forms and practices of Malay families and households. It discusses the underlying concepts in family studies and prevalent notions of the Malay family and household derived from earlier studies. A major focus is to show the changing nature of Malay family and household structures as well as their diverse forms. Furthermore, the dynamic social relationships in households will be analyzed from different perspectives. In addition the module explores how Malay families "design" family styles in a context of changing societies. The module is targeted for students interested in family studies.

Yup... just a little update of what i will be learning this sem. Real excited about it.

Havent update so long cos the last time i did finish typin, the server hanged. Sian right?! I bet all bloggers had this experience before.

Anyway, last sem's results weren't too bad nor too good. Just right i guess - glory to God!

Intro to Computing A-
Philosophy B+
Lifespan development B+
Conflict resolution B
Research methods C+

Ha ha... this sem going to take 4 modules instead of 5, but i'm still just having 4 day week. More spread out and more blank spaces to go gym and swim. Yeh! Best of all, my mondays are free days. Here are my modules for the next sem (they are extremely exciting)

Urban Youth Work
Counseling
Intro to world religions
Entrepreneurial Marketing

Some resolutions for this year... erm.. here's it:

1. Workout more - to get silver for IPPT and to run at least 1/2 marathon (and hopefully marathon) this yr.
2. Be spiritually grounded in the Word - more BS (self and swordlight).
3. Take better care of my division leaders.

Some changes in attitude and self this year:

1. Punctuality (started already...)
2. No nasty words, more praises in the place of criticisms.
3. More bold and courageous.

Am i delighted that skool is starting? Well, i'm just glad that dec is ending cos of the COLD weather cos i cant go swim - water is freezing. And it keeps raining halfway. Glad to go skool cos i can use the gym again!!! weeeee... and NUS pool! Mondays are free so i can prob play badminton with Yanda then.

Leaders training is going well. Got a bit of caution from the DLs yesterday abt support group, leaders training and this current new division. hai.... feeling a bit of the strain. The DLs are so old. Sorry to which ever DL reading this. What i mean is I'm so young compared to them. Good part is thank God they are more matured and wise, cos they help run Speedlight better. Bad part is i cant bond with them alot - ha ha... except for John, Shawn and Lydia... youngest 3 i think. Ha ha... cant expect me to bond with Joseph Patrick and Julia rite?! ha ha... Still, its good that from time to time they keep me in check. i wish we were more close like watch over each other spiritually - so sad, none of them is my spiritual mentor even tho they are so spiritually matured. I need people to look up to and learn from in church. Thank God for crusade, for aaron and Jarett. (my 2 spiritual leaders whom i'm accountable too. They genuinely care for me and gimme their time and effort - how much little they have left they give) They are the best leaders i've seen in my life till now. Best ever.

This one thing... Punctuality.

During Meta, I was talking to one of the American pastors, he mentioned that procrastination is a sin, but more importantly it roots from laziness, lack of control and lack of discipline. Always being late is just a symptom, reflection of a lifestyle that is not bridled.... thought life that is not disciplined, words that are not properly filtered, attitudes that are laid back.

Another thing God convicted me of: Words (criticisms, complaints and teasings)

Esp so with my authorities - pastors, full time staff, worship leaders. Many times judgmental about friends and people who work with me as well. It roots from seeing people primarily as ur co-workers, as someone filing in a job, rather these are secondary. God wants us to see them as child of God 1st. That means brothers and sisters.

There's much to share abt how God changed my thots in the camp... to those around me, please be patient with me, trying to adept what i learn and convicted of into my lifestyle and thought life. Thanks.

The whole of Meta camp, for me, can be summarised into one question:

"Have you ever asked God, what are the lies in my belief system that the devil has placed there about God and about myself?"

You may say: I know i dont have lies in my belief system. But the virtue of a lie is that it cannot be recognised as one. For a lie to be exposed, it must be placed in contrast with the Truth. The Word. God. I've never done so, I've never approached God to ask that before. Until this camp, the Lord began to root out many of the lies in my system... some minor ones, one major one. He's brought a great breakthru during this camp that i could confess my darkest sins and fears to my brother, one of the staff, that started the breakthrough becos of James 5:6. Once i fully overcome the lies, i will share them as a testimony to others. So dont come ask. Thanks.

So ask urself and God this question. What have u believed about God and yourself that are not absolutely true?

Gonna be gone for META camp from 6-11dec. I need this break. I need this retreat/holiday with God. Just me and Him. Nothing else. I need renewal, refreshment and rejuvenation. Yeh, i'm still gonna spend time during the camp to do speedlite camp stuff and division stuff but most of the time is time with Him. My hp is still going to be on, but i'll try not to sms too much cos i dont want to be distracted. Its still free incoming so just call if u need to.

Pls pray for me, i need ur prayers. Thanks to all my brothers and sisters in Christ who love me and bother to say a word of prayer for me in this period.

weeee.... had the busiest and yet most fun sunday! As my fren says our sundays are all chao ji xin qi tian (SUper Sunday). I must agree.

Slept 2+ cos needed to come up with leaders training schedule. Took a long time to organise the dates and all. Eventually woke up at 8+ to prep Praise and Worship for Calvin's cell and for Camp committee meeting.

920 - Reached church, saw my New Division (D2) leaders, then went up for main service.
1020 - Met leaders to brief them for next week.
1115 - Lead worship for Calvin's cell group
1140 - Went to 4 cell groups to publicise about the camp. God is so good - I hadnt prepared what to say or anything and the message just came out. Really good one i think cos all the kids were laughing and seemed motivated to sign up for the camp. Thank God. Current attendance for the kids is 70, add woodlands would probably be 90... we're still praying for more kiddos to sign up. There are much more spaces. We want as many to go as possible.

1215 - Met Jiahao (celeste's P6 cousin) for lunch and brought him to Speedlight. He's a real adorable and upfront person. Kids are the most sincere and pure in heart. (Some exasperated mothers might disagree). He quite enjoyed the service and wants to come again next week!!! YEH!!! Next week i hope he can attend cell. I want him to be rooted in church.
1500 - Walked Jiahao back home.

1515 - Short briefing for Camp leaders. Still gathering more. Need total of 20 at least. Not afraid of lack. Spoilt for choices at the moment.

1600 - Camp committee meeting. The worship and prayer was spectacular. Can see all of them really pray their hearts out. PASSION. oozing out of them. Was a little tough on them though... expected alot of datelines from them. They are going thru a tough time. We're proposing setting aside last 3 days before the camp to gather for more prayer and more fasting. I never prayed so much for any event in my life before. But we're not listening to God enough.

1830 - Met John for dinner and plan activity for tmr. Tmr i'm going with some of his student care kids to sentosa. Gonna have some character building games there. So fun. Group work. Good social work experience. That's why i'm going despite papers on thurs. hee.

2030 - Reached home, died on bed for ahwile then tog with Cheney we drove over to Tanah Merah there to collect knee medicine for Celeste. Together went tamp 201 (aka smokey place) for supper till 11+.

WOW... So fun!

Hey, here's what's gonna be happening in december for me!!!

Nov 30th - Help out at John's camp (sentosa)
Dec 1st - Mad cramming for the last paper.

2nd - Final paper at 9-11am on conflict resolution.
3, 4 - Division outing (with leaders only) overnight. Evaluation of the entire year.
6-11 - Meta camp (Campus Crusade Camp) Dave Park is the invited preacher, i'm anticipating a personal spiritual breakthru for myself.
12-14 - Mad rush to prep for 'You will never walk alone' camp.
15-17 - 3 day retreat to pray, fast and do preparation for camp.
20-21 - You will never walk alone!
22 - REST.... SLEEP rather.
23-24 - Christmas Shopping!!!
25 - Christmas.... owwww... Spend with loved ones and frens... who are also my loved ones
28-30 - Hoping to go for a overseas holiday with Yanda, Ben, Cel, Cheney and others (interested anyone???) Where? Some beach resort somewhere lor.... do my fav thing - die on the beach to tan and perhaps go snorkel.

WOW... dec just ended... Skool starting soon.

Ha ha... dec is gonna SO FUN!

I'm a happy man... was telling that to Engie yesterday on MSN. These past 2 months has passed has been nothing but GREAT! Doesnt mean that everything might be going well, but everything's been moving and going well and i'm ENJOYING every moment and minute of life. (to those who are wondering, i've not gotten together with anyone. ha ha)

Let me tell u how come i'm so happy these few days:

The less significant things 1st - I just had my dental check up and for the very 1st time in my life since i think primary one that the dentist actually complimented me on my clean teeth!!! WOW. i spend zero dollars. Thank you God for protection... of teeth.

Next, my cousin got married! To a japanese! ha ha... cross cultural marriage.. thats why i couldnt make it to church on sunday. And I was the car door opener! I learnt alot about the chinese marriage customs and of cos appreciated the Angbao, though its not very big. Which reminds me that i havent been tithing for sometime now. Hai... i 'll start again in January afresh.

I got my new HP FINALLY! Some pple said its not worth it but i really wanted this phone cos its shock proof (which i need), got a campass (wished i had it in army!), and thermometer, flashlight, camera and video functions (though resolution is like the 1st gen ones) and i think it looks cool. After sale and resale and stuff, i paid $260 for the phone. Yup. I love it. I think that's what matters.

I got A+ for my GEK1511 computing module! The website was part of that grade, including class participation. That's 40% of the final grade. Pls God gimme an A for finals.

Now the more IMPORTANT stuff:

The fasting and prayer period is here. There are so many things to fast and pray over, and breakthroughs have been forthcoming.
Right now, my skool DG is fasting and praying for one of our DG mate for sometime now, cos he's been going through a really tough patch. Had a conflict with him sometime back... cant wait to reconcile with him. My DG leader and mentor is teaching me so much through this period of fasting.

My division has been praying for Carol cos she's going through some family persecution and for michelle cos her health hasnt been that great. Carol's back to church on Sunday! And Michelle's been discharged! I felt that God wanted me to pray for Mich before i went with my div to see her. But when i got there, dont know why i asked Chui mian to pray for her... (i forgotten!), but then she suddenly said: can i nominate who to pray for me? you lor... you're my DL! God has a way huh. So i prayed over her with my whole heart cos i so badly wanted her well again. Seeing the joy that came outta her in such tough situation is shaming me.

Been fasting together with the camp committee for the camp too. After this coming meeting on the 28th nov, things are going to start to become real rush! And i love it! I know most of my camp committee are thinking i'm super keng! ESP meiling! ha ha... I'm trying my best to push responsibilities into their hands cos i felt that for the past Speedlight Camps, the camp commandant has been running around like mad doing music and log and games and everything... it sorta gives the committee a feeling of dependency "Aiyah, Weisiong or John will find some way one la". Ha ha... i'm not like that... if my committee cant find a way, most probably neither can i! Its been great so far. I'm working with world class team - Alvin Chia super independent, Corde super attending to techical details and very cheerful spirit in tough times, Alvin Tay though nothing much to do will bother to find things to do! Its been real encouraging. WE WILL NEVER WALK ALONE.

I havent let go of my old division made up of Yanda they all cos Julia's been to busy to take over so i'm rather caught between the 2 divisions now. But during this time, it just hit me that i'll really miss working with my ex-division and i cherish much of the rapport built up with many (cant say all, cos there's just too many) of them. If you'all are reading, know this that u guys are the best, most flexible, MOST most MOST most TEACHABLE bunch of leaders. Lydia just asked me about you all, what's my impression of you guys and from off hand i said this : they might not very well grounded in the Word or be the most experienced in Speedlight, but they are the most passionate. Passionate abt wanting God 100% in their lives, passionate abt their flock and passionate abt wanting Speedlight to explode.... Passionate. I'm catching this fire from you guys. (btw, they made a IT presentation for me.wow.)

My new division, thank you God for them... have to build rapport all over again, but its worth it. Just coming up with the training schedule. It'll be tough stepping out as new leaders, i hope to be able to walk them through. Must say i've been neglecting them cos of exams, camp and ex-division. Will go all out once papers are over and i get to hand over the div prob in dec. Yup.

Which reminds me philo and computing papers on wednesday. Social work research methods paper on sat. And finally conflict paper on 2 dec. Pls keep me in prayer. I feel LOOOVVVVEEEED sia. ha ha. This is one of the high points in my life i guess... more to come. To those who are feeling down, you're high points are on the way... keep ur hope in God.

There's so much more things i want to share about why i'm so happy... but my dad's beckoning me to eat dinner. So update again in time to come.

My friend in school told me that that day she came back from a siong week of church events that she passed out on the bed and fell asleep from 7pm to 7am! Woah... all of us drooled in envy sia.

Yesterday nite was preparing for today an MCQ test until 4am this morning... this is the 1st time in this semester that i mugged so hard. When i came back right after the test, treated myself to newly opened gelare at tamp mall (since today is tue too!). Oh... there's billy's at century square! Yeh!!! Anyway, i reached back home and fell dead on my bed all the way till 730pm where my bro had to yell me awake. Shoik. But i missed combined leaders' meet. aiyah. Some more got free dinner catered.

Yesterday i spent some time w the Lord and He reminded me of this statement that He gave me at the start of the semester 'Do what is required of you'. I always thought i must try to do what is required e.g. go for all the meetings i'm supposed to go, do that particular tutorial etc... but the Lord brought a new meaning to that statement.
I had been pondering for the past few weeks, when was it that i felt i was in control and most effective in my life, no matter when there was tough situations?
Was it that when i did everything rite? Yup... but that seldom or if not almost never happens... And i discovered that it was when i was walking close to Jesus.

It was like knowing that the key to all the success in life is walking closely with Jesus (for me, setting aside 2 hrs w Him daily). I strive so hard to keep things in balance and i struggle with so much problems to make sure things turn out right... and i dont even do the thing that will ensure victory and success. How dumb can someone get? Its like having the key to ur door but u rather try to peel open ur window and climb through or you know whats coming out for O level but u decide to randomly spot topics still.

What's required of me isnt that i make sure i did everything right, but that 2 hrs with Jesus everyday. I'd gotten it wrong.

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope is Christ alone.

Oh... gotta design a webpage for one of my module project... when its done i'll put it up!

God, You've been good.

These few days missing from bloggin, the Lord has changed me so much from within. More hungry for His Word... tremendously. More wanting to wait upon Him and able to quieten down my spirit to listen to His. Spending much more time in the Word... its great... I'm loving His Word more everyday. And God has been changing my fixated ideas about christianity as well.

Job 1:21 Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked i will return there, The Lord gave and the Lord has taken, Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Just had my 1st camp comm meeting. I felt it was wonderful. I wanted to spend time waiting on Him and surrendering to Him and asking Him to lead the camp, instead of us coming up with all the stuff and just gettin Him to chop stamp. The Spirit of God was so gracious to move among us and convict our hearts to belong to Him.

Recently been motivated by the 'abs challenge' or rather the belly away challenge to exercise more. In fact just went jogging at Bedok Reservoir 5km in 24min. Wow... didnt know i could still do that after army ended. Thinking of training up for the army half marathon next year.

Tmr skipping skool cos got a philo paper deadline on Friday. Meiling seems to be freaking out a little, or rather i think i'm a little too slack. Ha ha... i better do some bucking up sia. ha ah...

I miss Cheney, and David... havent been able to talk to Engie for some time now too... hai... sian no time for frens. i want to leh but cant.

These few days been sleeping at 1-3am and waking up at 6-7am... i need sleep. i NEED SLEEP. ha ah

I want to walk in purity and personal holiness as well.

Today was great... had morn lect from 8-10am, then played badminton from 10-1pm straight continuous... after that DG from 3-5pm. It was good time of refreshing... well a little la. I discovered that my love language is 1stly words, then touch and gifts.

Today had some downsides at the university dedication service. 1stly 2 of my potential disciples pangsei me. After that something happened with another disciple that came that perhaps he wont be joining DG after all... A little heartache.
But during the worship God touched me through this song : 'It's all about You... Not about me... as if U shld do things my way... U alone are God... and I surrender.'

I knelt down and i truely surrendered cos i believed that there's nothing i can hold onto besides for Him and that He's my only one. Never did i know so fast God gave me a small test already... if i was willing to give up one of my confirmed disciples... Deep inside me, i dont bother about where my contacts decide to involve the commitment in, as long as its in a Christian organisation in skool cos i know that's where God will develop them in such mighty ways. So when one of them showed signs of wanting to leave tho he promised to stay, i felt a little irritated... guess its human. Yet as i was walking back alone tonight, i took time to surrender. I love him so does Jesus, so i want him to be in the best place ever to grow, be it in Crusade or other parachurch organisation. yup.

Ok... God... its in ur hands, everything.

When i read 'the heavenly man', i dont consider this persecution or suffering at all.

Hey all, vision tea just concluded!!!

For non-crusaders, vision tea is a welcome tea that we organised for the freshmen coming into NUS. Its like a service with lotsa video and dinner as well. Real cool. Today 90+ freshmen came!!! Including crusaders it would make 200+!!!

Btw, i'm part of the planning committee for this project. We had to bake cookies to raise fund for this... we made about 200+ from that. Some graduate gave 500 to top up! Wow. Thru planning the programmes for this meeting i learnt so much so much abt needing to be organised and work systematically... only then can i take note of all the nitty gritty details. Believe it or not i meet the best pple i can work with in a committee. Deadlines were set, deadlines were met. All of them. None fell short. Everyone was humble and willing to learn. Esp my team leader Joshua. Man. He's the man. We look up to him lots. lots. I learnt alot about logistics as well. I'm not a very log person esp when i'm not very organised, more of a meeting and welcoming pple person... so i learnt a huge bunch from this project. God's been good. Teaching me lots.

Tmr is rest day... intending to use it to pray and finish up on my book 'The heavenly man'. If u havent read it pls go get it!!! it's autobiography of this missionary in China who preaches and suffers like Paul did. Mighty man of God. I'm utterly put to shame. Not a doubt. Shame. Need to plan for DGs, plan for upcoming camp, plan for leaders support group and so on... been slacking too much. And havent exactly controlled my diet... just kept eating sia... i better stop and make my belly disappear.

Today, 4 of my contacts came and i added one more, that makes 5 of them! Thanks God, its encouragement for me. During the dinner it was pretty tough to get them all together cos they were talking all over... finally i got them to sit at this bench where they began chatting so much!!! About hostel, about army... all i needed to do, is get drinks for them so they talk more! They are a great bunch. I bet they have lots to teach me too. I really need wisdom from God how to lead them. Some of them are my age as well. That's what tmr is for!

This weds is the 1st time i'm gonna be sharing a message at the youth service at teen challenge about Jesus being your best Friend. Pls pray for me. Wow... things are starting to roll... now is still no pressure stage, once tutorials start i must learn to be like Brother Yun more - 'the heavenly man'... endures all things.

I wanna play badminton more!!! Anyone interested?

I can feel the heat already, taking on so much more commitments now... more than ever before in my life i think. Its good training... but recently been outta touch with God for a while - nope not cos anything happened, just tat i got complacent. I'm getting back to God tonight. Without Him as my Source i'll dry up.
Here's the stuff that i'm involved in or committed to now...

Vision Tea Committee (Welcome tea service for freshmen)
Teen Challenge volunteer
Spiritual multiplier - Discipleship group leader (crusade cell group)
Lifeline meeting committee (Crusade service)
Current Division
Soon to train potential leaders for next division
End of year camp for young ones
Support group leader
Studies


Is't a bother? Sometimes we always say 'wha... i'm doing so much for God, but if we truly understand the concept that to be able to serve God is our privilege, then we wont be saying that.

God's been good. He's been with me. Even though i'm not faithful, He is. Even when i cant feel Him sometimes, He's here just by me. And I know that one word of His commmand, chariots of angels will be here to protect me.

I need to connect to the Source. My Source.